The Real Monsters Are on the Board. From banning skeletons to regulating pumpkin colors, these HOAs have officially declared war on Halloween, and fun
I’ve never been a fan of Home Owner’s Associations and their rules. If I want to take my trash out at 3:00am in my underwear, that’s my Constitutional right as an American taxpayer! If I want to keep my garage door open longer than 20 minutes (yes that’s a real rule) that’s my right. If I want to plant purple flowers, in my garden, why does Bob (the retired Insurance Adjuster) from the HOA need to approve that? Let’s be honest: HOAs exist for one reason only, to suffocate fun, creativity, and whatever was left of your personality after the housing market broke you.
And no one flexes their HOA powers harder than the Halloween police. These clipboard vampires are at their worst. These are the people who canceled fun decades ago and never looked back. I did some deep scrolling and picked my favorite Halloween HOA rules. This year, my goal is to break every last one. Join me. Viva la rebellion.
The Too Scary Clause
Seriously people, IT’S HALLOWEEN. I’ve found quite a few HOA’s that ban anything they consider excessively gory or too realistic, think blood, brains, or zombies that are just a little too lifelike.
Two HOA’s take it to the extreme, threatening $500 fines for offending displays. Since “offensive” and “gory” mean different things to different people, usually it just depends on whoever is writing tickets that night.
It sounds like the HOA are the real horror story here.
November 1st it all Goes Back in the Box
A few HOAs mandate everything packed up promptly on November 1. Seriously? On November 1 I’m still nursing a pumpkin spice vodka hangover, trying to remember where I left my pants and, sleeping in until noon. Letting the plastic pumpkins sit on the front porch an extra day isn’t going to kill anybody. Lighten up. Nobody’s being harmed by an extra day of fake cobwebs.
No Yard Art (At All)
Think you can put up a graveyard scene on your lawn? Think again. We found some HOAs that ban anything on the grass, no tombstones, no skeleton dogs, not even a single little rubber rat if it touches the turf. Halloween is for sidewalks and porches. Apparently grass can be traumatized. Talk about a creativity killer. Creativity is against the rules. So is fun.
Color-Coordinated Displays.
I call this rule, Halloween by Martha Stewart. We found a few HOAs that dictate displays stick to a strict color palette: orange or white, no red or blinking strings. Seriously people, it’s spooky season, not a Pottery Barn catalog.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, HOA’s hate individuality. Nothing says fascism like adults you which color your fake spider web must be.
The “Interior Visibility” Rule
Yep, you’re reading that right. We found a few HOA’s that are sticking their grubby noses inside you r own home. Here, it’s not just the stuff in your yard under HOA rule, even decorations inside your house, if they’re visible through a window, can be subject to their extremist guidelines. So, if your kid decorates the window with cut-out bats or shadowy monsters, your festive family night could end up on the HOA’s naughty list. Open your door and mommy Karen doesn’t like what they see, you’re getting a notice from the HOA gestapo.
The “Occult” Ban
This one is really popular in the South, and Fresno (or Fres-tucky as it’s known in the modern world). There’s always that one HOA president who decides anything remotely “supernatural” is just too much for the neighborhood. Skeletons? Nope. Witches? Not a chance. Even good old jack-o’-lanterns are out, only generic fall leaves and scarecrows got the green light. Hay bales stacked in the shape of a Jesus cross are ok. Basically: Happy Autumn, but don’t you dare mention Halloween.
“Recognized Holidays” Only
This goes hand in hand with the occult ban. Here, the HOA decides what you celebrate. Some HOA boards only allow decorations for holidays that are officially recognized by the government. So, if Halloween doesn’t make their list, you might just have to skip it altogether. Your freedom of expression ends where Carl’s fear of skeletons begins. Brave New World anyone?
Fines for Going Big
If you’re the type who dreams of turning your front yard into a full-scale haunted graveyard, get ready to pay up. “Excessive” displays (whatever that means) can earn you a $200 fine or more. One HOA even cited a homeowner because the fog machine “created an unsafe level of ambiance.” If your decorations have a budget cap, you’re not living in a neighborhood, you’re living in an adult day care run by retired prison guards.
👻 Final Thoughts
HOAs say they’re preserving “community standards.”
What they’re really preserving is a level of boredom so powerful it could raise the dead just to get some excitement.
So this Halloween, hang your lights, blast your creepy soundtrack, and let your skeletons fly free.
And when the HOA sends you that passive-aggressive violation notice?
Frame it.
Because nothing says “Happy Halloween” like scaring the people who deserve it most.
DAD BOD WEEKLY 