Why Boys Aren’t Dating: How ‘Gooning’ and Screen Isolation Fuel the Male Loneliness Crisis
In my last post, I talked about the rising epidemic of male loneliness. I mentioned how important it is for kids, especially boys, to have a “third space”, somewhere outside of home and school where they can actually hang out and connect with others face-to-face. Here is where they grow and learn. They learn how to listen, to talk, to face the tough issues and develop empathy. (If you want to read that post, click here)
Today I’m digging into a darker corner of the problem: “gooning culture.” Just so we’re clear upfront, this is a tough topic. It’s not easy to think about, and honestly, it’s even harder to talk about, especially with our sons. I’ve joked in the past about “having The Talk,” but this goes way past awkward or funny. This brings up big much bigger and more dangerous challenges, not just mentally but also when it comes to how young men interact with others. A lot of boys are losing both the ability and the desire to connect with women in any real, meaningful way. This goes far beyond the MAGA incel culture. It goes deeper physiologically, socially and even physically.
This isn’t just some middle age dad blogger hunch. We’re seeing the data, and it’s getting worse. Almost half of Gen Z men, around 44%, didn’t have a single romantic relationship as teenagers. The whole idea of having a high school crush is starting to disappear. That 44% is actually twice as high as it was for baby boomers.
For men aged 18-29, about 63% said they were single in 2022, and most aren’t even looking to change that. Maybe the most surprising stat: 45% of young men between 18 and 25 have never even walked up to a woman and started a conversation. Our sons are afraid to talk to girls. They are building emotional and psychological walls around themselves. Where are these walls being built, in places like ROBLOX, Online game chat rooms, Discord, Reddit, social media, dating aps and YouTube. When these wall get too high, they manifest in misogyny, blame (“The feminist movement ruined America”), and further isolation into red pill echo chambers
This should be a wake-up call. Our sons are pulling away from one of the most basic, beautiful and important parts of being human: making real romantic connections.
So, what’s “gooning”?
There’s this word that’s started showing up online, “gooning.” Most of us parents have never heard of it. Basically, it means spending hours in a binge of watching porn and masturbating, sometimes in online “community” sessions. In a recent 2025 survey, one in four boys said they’d tried it. The social media platform Tumblr banned porn back in 2018. Since then, entire gooning communities have popped up on Reddit and Discord, recruiting members in online game chat rooms. (Keep your kids off ROBLOX!) For teens, all this stuff is just one click away on the privacy of their phones.
This isn’t just about watching porn. The difference with gooning is that it’s not just about sexual release, it morphed into about swapping out real human intimate reactions entirely for hours lost to a screen. I’m talking about human interactions like conversation, relationship building, honest communications, problem solving and empathy. This is the result when unlimited internet porn is open to a generation of boys no experience or confidence in their social skills fueled by a crippling fear of rejection. Online porn, chat rooms, Only Fans accounts, Discord and Reddit communities are subservient, all designed to engage you and keep you entertained. That’s not real human connection.
We’ve all heard the research telling us too much screen time links to more anxiety and acting out in kids. Kids who are already struggling with their feelings are way more likely to use screens as an escape. It’s a nasty cycle, feeling bad drives more screen use, which makes kids more isolated, which makes it even harder for them to connect with people for real.
As this carries over into adulthood, that gap just gets wider and real intimacy feels even more out of reach. The main takeaway here: losing in-person, low-stakes social time means guys don’t even get to practice the basics of building relationships, and that’s fueling this whole emotional mess.
All these factors are coming together to create a “perfect storm” for guys checking out of dating and relationships:
- Money: Let’s face it, the job market is tough. Kid’s don’t have the cash to go out. And as prices rise it’s easier to stay home and go online.
Second every single dating app emphasizes success and status. If you can’t make an impression in 3 seconds you are swiped left and rejected. - Easy digital escape: If you can everything, sex, attention, even fake love, from porn, OnlyFans, or AI chatbots, with zero risk, of course you’re going to stay in your room? It’s easier and you know the outcome.
- No practice: It’s not their fault, but boys literally don’t know what to do. And that’s OK. Yesterday I talked about the need for “third spaces” where they can go and get the practice. Online is not a safe space to try out your cheesy pick up lines.
- Fear of being a creep: The post-MeToo world matters, but it also has a lot of men worried any normal attempt to talk to a woman will come off wrong. So most would rather say nothing than take the chance. Our kids are terrified to act on anything because they fear becoming the next laughing stock meme. (More on that here)
- Dating app problems: Apps make it so a handful of guys get almost all the attention, and most get ignored. But it’s all fake! Dating apps are curated personalities mixed with AI bots to make the app seem active and popular.
On top of all this, for guys with heavy porn habits, almost half (45%) report having trouble with ED, way up from just 5% before internet porn took over. Boys and young men aren’t having less sex because they don’t want it. They’re just stuck in a cycle of replacing real intimacy with a much easier, risk-free digital version. No real connection, no vulnerability, no growth, just more screen time.
Look, the digital era didn’t invent loneliness, but it magnified it. The “gooning” wave isn’t simply teenage mischief. It’s a symptom: our boys are retreating from the mess, the risk, and the raw reality of human connection that was created by social media. Rage Bait, Click Bait, and False Affection are the business models of Snap, Messaging, Reddit, Discord and Only Fans. When they swap the difficult uncertain, awkward work of talking to someone they are attracted to for hours of screen-stimulated fantasy, they lose more than human growth, they lose the chance to build themselves.
We must tell our kids that trying and failing matters more than staying safe and isolated. Encourage him to walk out the door. Re-introduce the third spaces: the debates, the clubs, the teammates, the side-hustles where he meets real people, listens, shares and screws up.
When our sons connects to others in person, his confidence rises. He stops hiding behind the screen. He begins to show up. And when he shows up, he becomes someone worth showing up for, which is when real dates, real friendships, and the possibility of a real romantic relationship start rooting.
Yes, it’s hard. But if we don’t challenge this drift, if we don’t step in and say “this matters, you matter”, then our sons will grow up with fewer rich relationships, fewer skills for love and intimacy, and a bigger loneliness burden than any of us faced.
DAD BOD WEEKLY 